I haven't eaten much today.. knowing me that will change. Because I seem to have no fucking self control. I ended up totally pigging out yesterday I had like two chocolate bars. Euh. I'm disgusting.

But today I've only had a cheese stick and am now about to have dinner.
Apart from yesterday, most of my total calories everyday has been around 700-800. So that's alright I guess. But.. i'd still like to get it down to a good 650. Whenever i'm hungry i just have to control myself and find myself something to do.

I would have blogged yesterday but my internet was down. So I ended up being REALLY bored. -_- And that's when I ended up wasting all my effort. Grrr....

And no one suspects anything so that's alright :)
So yeah.. I can't think of anything else to say, but if I do, i'll be back :)

<3

My daily horoscope~

Hmm.. this is strange hahahaa...

You may be booking an appointment with a doctor or homeopath soon. Be careful to listen carefully to what is said. You have a tendency to only half listen today, and that could have an adverse effect on your treatment and well being. Be especially careful when mixing herbs and pharmaceuticals right now.

Hahahah horoscopes are such bullshit anyways.. right? :S

The Sweet Temptations.

Hey guy's :)

SO I just wanted you to know, my blog isn't letting me comment :/ So sorry if I don't reply. Otherwise you can send me an email if you'd like..
iwillnotbefrozen@hotmail.com

But anyway, to those last comments. Thanks guys. I REALLY appreciate it, honestly. It's really good to know that someone actually cares. But I am so desparate. I have no where else to go. It's like my last option. It's not like I want to be unhealthy. But at the moment, thin is more important than healthy. And I'm going to try and not let it get out of hand... if things go the way I plan.

I've only eaten 403 calories today! (Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!)
But I still have to eat dinner :/ So that could be fatally destroyed by the end of the night.

I ruined my going all day at school without eating :(
It was cupcake day at school and I indulged in a vanilla cupcake which ended up being like 300 calories. And in the morning I had a hot chocolate.
Damn me and my sweet tooth.

I feel like it's finally kicking in. The obsession is finally taking place. Like, everytime i'm hungry, or i'm offered food I just have to think about being thin and controlling myself.
I'm just starting to get determined to get the body I dream of. I just want a hip bone, and a flat stomach, and average sized boobs. Maybe then I can be just as pretty as all my friends.
Maybe then I can fit in, and i'll be the beautiful one.
Maybe it's never going to happen. Maybe the more weight I lose, the more i'll want to lose. My goal might start getting lower, and lower, and lower. Until something has to be done. But there's a chance that won't happen right?
I guess I just have to take that chance. Because i'm so, so desparate.
Desparate to be the pretty, thin girl.

I'll do whatever it takes.

We're just getting started.

Hello!

I've actually been doing really well since my last post! I've been trying to eat nothing at school, and just have dinner. And whenever i'm hungry, i just drink a glass of water really quickly. I find that it fills me up for a good 1 and a half hours. And I also go to bed a bit earlier to stop myself getting hungry late at night.
Though I have to work on not eating as much on weekends, because that's where I seem to induldge a bit more than I should.
I was talking to a school counsellor. Who I have been seeing for awhile, before I started doing this. Though she doesn't know how I feel about my weight or anything. She was asking me if I eat breakfeast, to which I replied "No". She told me to have even just an up and go everyone morning. because breakfeast starts your metabolism going. And usually anything you eat in the morning, no fat from that is taken in. Usually just stuff you eat later in the evening is what gives you calories. So that was really good advice for me to take in. So i might just drink an up and go to start my metabolism and help my body to lose more weight!
I have been trying not to complain about my weight or appearance to anyone. So they don't suspect I have a problem with my body. And then it makes it easier to excuse myself from eating. :)

But I still have a long way to go. :/

Losing my motives..

Okay it's been five days, I just can't get motivated..
Im losing my determination. I eat something wrecklessly and feel so guilty about it afterwards.
I need to do this for myself.. but i feel like its going to take forever, like I just give up on things so easily.
I really want to do this but I just need an extra push.
I know I want to be thin and beautiful, I just don't know what to do.
At the time I don't care and I eat, then at the end of the day i've realised I screwed up my whole plan!
Im so angry with myself! Arrgh!
:'(

xx

My very first words.

Hi :) Im Kourtney, im 14 years old and i am (well will be hopefully) a pro-ana.. or a pre pro-ana?.
If you are against the opinions on this blog, then please do not read it. I completely understand if your are because its not the healthiest option. But I'm determined to do this and any hate messages are just going to get deleted.. so here goes...

I weigh about 50 kilos and am 157cm tall. Which apparently is a "healthy" weight for my age and height.

Though I dont really agree with that opinion.

When I look at myself in the mirror, all I see is fat.
Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat and more fat.

I feel disgusting.

Im not unpopular at school. In fact, im friends with most of the people there. I have many close friends too. Who are really supportive of me. They compliment me, comment on my photos and make me feel good about myself :)

But these minor self esteems boosts dont last for very long.

I hate healthy foods... i dont eat hardly and vegetables or fruits, i barely drink water. I love foods like breads, eggs, pasta and dairy (all the fatty foods :@!!).

But i've decided to do something about my weight and be a pro-ana!
Meaning a pro anorexic.
I mean im not anorexic yet, but im determined to get there.
I've been looking up tips and advice, sites and blogs i can follow. And i haven't eaten all day today! I've only had a chocolate milk (let myself down a bit there), a orange juice and a glass of water.. but im about to have dinner.. :/
Ive tried purging but its much too hard.

Ive decided im going to try and just eat dinner every day, and then cut it down a bit more until im not eating anything!

But its going to be a bit hard with the fam in the house.. i wont be able to skip dinner every night. But i can find little ways around it..


So this is my day 1 blog. Please follow :) If i get enough followers ill be determined to blog regularly.

<3<3