Im so sorry everyone, I haven't posted in a month or so, but ohmygooood. So much has happened. Im sorry for not posting. I was just, i don't know what I was like.
My mum found my journal... my journal with everything I had been eating, my calorie counting, tips. EVERYTHING! She found it. She made me feels so disgusting. She made me feel like a mental patient.
She said "how could anyone think those things? It's just disturbing.."
Thanks Mum, you're a bitch. I'm disturbing now am I. Well why don't ya just kick me out, do me a favour there. And then she was like "How can anyone want to live like that? Wouldn't you rather enjoy life than go on starving yourself blah blah blah." Like seriously. You obviously wouldn't understand Mum and that is why I don't talk to you about ANYTHING because you clearly NEVER understand! ARRRRGHH!
And I ahd to go to the hospital. And be checked by a nurse, and a pediatrician and I had to talk to a dietician and a psychiatrist. It sucked. I had to eat heaps for awhile.
But I swear, they aren't stopping me. I like doing what I do. It makes me feel better. It makes me feel complete. I know i'm never going to be happy if I stay this way. Not with all the help in the world.
I don't care what I have to do. I'll just pretend to recover. And I'll stay the way I am.
My friends don't ucking understand. Uhhh it's horrible.
I'm sorry guys.
Sorry I haven't told you.
I'll be posting more regularly now.
Sorry sorry so so sorry. <3
I'll explain in more detail tomorrow. <3
Omg! I am so sorry for you! This must suck so bad! I really don't know what to say... Stay strong lovely!
ReplyDeleteaww, i'm so sorry you're having such a tough time! we're all here for you, xo.
ReplyDeleteI swear to god you don't know what you're getting yourself into. It's not as glamorous as it seems. Eating disorders are not a diet, they're a disease. They'll hurt you and everyone around you.
ReplyDeleteI can't do anything to stop you...but I wish you wouldn't go down this path. Deciding to fuck with my eating was by far the worst thing that has ever, ever happened to me.
Oh god, it's terrible when everyone knows, trust me. They think you can just /get better/, and you really can't. Not without breaking in other ways.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, hun. I just got here, so I'll be following you to make sure everything is okay ♥